Be Available

I’ve noticed this a lot about people I enjoy talking to: they feel available. If I have a thought to share or a partially-formed question to ask, they’re there. They feel there. There’s a difference.

If I feel like I have to intrude on your busy day then I’m much less likely to talk to you at all. You’re hopping from one thing to the next, how could I possibly bother you with a question? You’re not preemptible. You’re so involved in your own life and your own work, it doesn’t feel like you have time for mine. I’m anxious to take up your time because you always hurry into the next thing. Slow down.

How do you control this perception? The first step is to say yes. Most people default to no or “maybe later,” so saying yes automatically puts you in the top 1%. It’s not hard. If this is hard for you, then be the one to schedule things. You’re still not preemptible but at least you feel available. Let yourself be pulled into side quests. Let yourself be a part of other people's stories. If people are having a conversation, participate, listen, share your thoughts! Just be a human, not a code monkey. You’ll have a greater presence and people will actually be able to develop a relationship with you.

Live your life spontaneously. Make time for people and ideas. Allow your tasks to be preempted. People feel the difference in the same way you can. Take the easy path, it’ll just be less constricting on everyone.